i'm so depressed.

“Having MDD, major depressive disorder, is like living in an empty shell.”

“It's getting out of bed for the first time in three days. It's not brushing your teeth for so long that your gums bleed. It’s brushing your hair once every couple of days, and when you do, your hair comes out.”

“You feel like a 500-pound weight that you can’t pick up. It takes all the energy you can gather to just pay attention to someone speaking. Sleeping is how you pass time because you're tired every second of the day from breathing….

… All you can do is exist and take up space.”

In my last post, I included a form for people who have suffered/are suffering from a mental illness to fill out to help me write my future blog posts on mental health (which I will include at the bottom again!). Each form is anonymous, and I can’t see the name unless they choose to tell me.

First of all, if you ever feel/have felt like this – remember that you are worthy. You are worthy of breathing the crisp winter air, feeling the fall leaves crunch under your feet, hearing the sand squish beneath your toes. Of laughing until your stomach hurts, eating home-baked cookies, and seeing the stars on a clear black night. No matter how dark the days get or how trapped you feel - you are priceless and irreplaceable.

People often use the word depression to describe when they are feeling down, simply sad about something such as watching a tear-jerking movie or listening to some music that gives them all the feels.

Major Depressive Disorder does not last for an hour. It does not last for one day. Although a person can have one episode of depression (MDE), this episode, at the shortest (!!) lasts at least 2 weeks up to about 4-9 MONTHS.

This isn’t just a sad feeling. This is a lifestyle. This is a loss of interest, loss of appetite, fighting for sleep, low self-esteem experience. This is something that these people struggle with. Every. Single. Day.

Although depression affects so many, those suffering feel that they are alone. It’s a vicious cycle; so many people struggle with this but aren’t equipped to deal with it. It's like a hole that you feel you can’t escape from; all you can do is watch it pile in on you.

Many don’t know how to talk about depression; it can be uncomfortable, so we tend to just avoid these conversations. If someone becomes distant, we tend to become distant as well. If a friend doesn’t want to leave their house, we assume they don’t want to hang out with us. If they aren’t acting like themselves, we believe they just changed. We need to check on our friends. In a perfect world, we would also check on people we aren’t close with.

Depression is not something you choose. You are not the author of your genes; it’s not something you sought after and envisioned for yourself. Life brings unexpected challenges, and this may be yours.

Nevertheless, there is hope, and there is help. Be kind, check up on your friends, and be the person you would want in that situation. Now more than ever, be a good human being.

“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. . . . It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope.

That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”

― J.K. Rowling

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Source: Abnormal Psychology: An Integrative Approach (8th Edition; 2017) by Barlow, Durand, Hofmann.